I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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