I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
