For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
