One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
