He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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