nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
