then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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