i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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