you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
