tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You pole danced in your parka.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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