You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
