Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
