How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
