I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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