I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
