My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
