I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
