I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Randomize
