Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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