he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
