what day is it and did you see me today?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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