I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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