I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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