She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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