I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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