Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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