Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
