my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
