dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
