cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
