"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
not ubering you a puppy
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
