Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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