Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
