I'm going to jail i love you
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
