Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
