This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
can u get pink eye on your cock?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
