is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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