I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
