What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
