i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
