You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
