I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
