he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
