I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
