my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The beer is more important than you right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
