I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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