Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
