she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
