I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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