This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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