Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When are your genitals available?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
