Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
