Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my being single is dangerous.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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