Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
