I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
