Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
