so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
